LOSING CONTROL

It's the moment when you realized what you have achieved so far was not good enough, and unfortunately you need to walk over it and think optimistically. I mean, that's the difficulty one architecture student would face all the time in their projects. 

There's always too short for all you could achieved, always. Even though you have avoided procrastination at your very best, skipping gyms and entertainments, spending days and nights for your work in the room and library, and you thought you've managed to complete all your materials ideally. Then comes the real challenge of pleasing your invigilators and YOURSELF with your work. 

I think it is clear I didn't do as well as I expected, or maybe I just can't handle critics. There was the moment I was wondering why it was so hard to convince the idea, to deliver something which I was told it could be further explored. I always have this problem when I rearranged my statements to support my design, and then resulted the relationship of them had somehow varnished. The program ended up great, but didn't response with the design successfully. 

Slowly, it became clear that I am lacking of something. Something fundamental yet as crucial as failing the brief: value. I could have designed a successful piece of architecture if I don't think  my design ecologically and economically. If I am not bother about creating beautiful things that serves no purpose, design super high towers that cost hell out of money that serves one purpose, yes I would have those inputs to create a better, care-free design. I should have let myself go freely, sometimes at least, not to finalize the thoughts immediately then things could have ended up in a very different way.

So here you go, a journey of losing control and self-evaluation. Nevertheless, it has been a good learning process when you get to observe some of the peers who achieved what I had mentioned earlier. I wish that I would had making myself proud out of all those handmade models and endless renderings and calculations.

Let the journey goes on.