LDR爱情生态 pt 3

感觉对的话，就勇敢去爱，努力去爱，没什么好怕的。

故事说到与对方相见以后发生的事情。由于对当地不太熟悉，所以吃的，用的，玩的，逛的，自己都被当成游客来对待。感觉挺好的，像是王子般享用的权利。这名‘导游’还算当得不错哟，让我很有安全感（大加分！）。我们去了博物馆一起聊艺术，逛了购物街探索对方的品味，品尝了当地的快餐店，西餐厅，中式料理等。当然也少不了到超市买材料一起下厨，细细了解着对方的口味和爱吃的食物。

三天过去了。虽然对彼此的了解是更近了不少，该做的事情也都做了 （你明白的），但是该下决定的那一刻仍然不了了之。也许是因为，大家都还未种下那颗百分之百认定对方的心吧。还记得那一晚，他留了我下来，说我别回酒店了，留下来陪他。我们聊了很多，说着说着，他的眼泪从眼角流了下来，有点不受控制地哭了起来。虽然很意外，但这宝贵的一刻，其实是彼此的心链接得最靠近的时候。那一晚特别有意义，让我看见对方心中的那个他，那个最真实的他。

回英国的那个早上，我们走在马路上，接着搭火车，默默地回顾这三天里一起度过的每一刻。他似乎想要给我一个答案，但仍然没说出口。我们也只是随便聊了几句，犹豫不决地握着对方的手直到机场。看着他，像是最后一次看到这副脸一样，想牢牢地把它烙印在记忆当中。离别时我们还是坚强的没哭，或许彼此都有种认知：这个人，我一定会再见的。

to be continue

LDR爱情生态 pt 2

长距离的恋爱-人爱得深，分隔两地，心仍相连。

我觉得在一个月里，如果你和对方很聊的来的话，那也该要见见对方了。一个月的时间说来不觉得很长，但要来的终是要来的。哪怕赌上一博，跨山越海都好，就当是给自己一个冒险的奇幻之旅。坐在飞机里的那段旅程，你心里可能会一直处于犹豫和紧张的状态。衣服有穿好吗？发型应该ok吧？见面要说什么啊？ 手心冒着汗，自己努力练习着自以为最自然的笑容。

一下飞机的那一刻，心念‘阿弥陀佛...阿弥陀佛...’好像蛮有用的，可以平复你紧张的情绪。好吧，就是这一刻了。是地狱还是天堂，来看看上天的安排呗。‘这样笑应该还可以吧？’ ‘他会不会拿着牌子写了我的名字啊？’  ‘为什么我会在这里？’ ..... 等等等等的问题一直在脑海浮现，直到在抵达厅见到他的时候才会慢慢恢复意识。天啊，终于见面了！这句话接得有点浮夸，接着和对方握手加拥抱，显得有点客气，有点陌生。天上的云朵逐渐飘到两旁，微微的一道光降在你俩的头上。

啊，确定了，你这一个是天堂喔。

如果真的如上面所说的感觉，那就先来个咖啡纯聊天，凡事都得要慢慢来，越慢越好，不要太驱逐。约个安静的咖啡厅比较好，毕竟气氛是有一定的影响力。聊聊飞行的心情，或聊聊看到对方的感觉，还可以来点小甜蜜。如果聊天中有带黄色趣味的内容可要小心哦。安全第一的原则不可或缺，用自己的小聪明转个话题就行了。从中，你可以开始观察他的谈吐用词，衣着打扮，最重要的是留意他有没有四臭（狐臭，口臭，体臭，脚臭）。开玩笑的啦，最重要还是感觉对不对，就此而已。

to be continue

LDR爱情生态 pt 1

爱情最为自然的生态和潜规则大概就是感觉吧。 我是凭着前几段的爱情来说个小故事。

在人海茫茫中偶尔会遇见一个在你眼里和其他贱货不一样的人。一开始会被对方吸引，然后主动和对方示好。时不时传信息给对方，基本的了解了一下对方找的是什么。过了一段时间就开始交换聊天软件的账号，看看对方的照片，然后。。。。。。哈哈，当然没那么快就那个，你会开始拨打给对方聊天，听听对方的声音，能聊得来的话可以到无所不谈的地步也不一定。六个小时，三个小时不定，有时还会在对方的声音中睡去。要看是不是真的能聊，就看聊的过程中时间过的快还是慢。这是被判处天堂或地狱的第一层，你要不是对这个人更有兴趣，就是觉得乏味而不想再浪费时间。接下来，你会想开开视频看看对方的‘真面目’- - 口中所谓的素颜之美，或是想看看他是不是和照片里的人长得一样。

慢慢地，通话聊天变成一种习惯，会开始想着对方在干嘛，有没有吃饱，睡眠质素好不好，工作顺不顺利等等的不科学问题。（毕竟这些和你一点关系也没有啊！）听到对方声音的时候就会感觉安心和小雀跃。啊，原来你也在想我噢。自己当然也会情不自禁的和对方分享有的没的。然后继续的纯聊天，至于聊什么就看当时你脑子里在想什么了，呵呵。

然而，得来的还是会来，就是初次见面的时候。这是第二层的考验也是定生死的主要关卡，毕竟见面相处和用电话纯聊天一点也没有关系。彼此会为这件事感到紧张，耽忧，甚至害怕。害怕见面以后所有的想法和感觉完全改变。要是你看对方不顺眼，他做什么好的浪漫的在你眼里都是错的。（被定型了）但是，如果他让你心跳加速，脸红耳赤，说话支支吾吾的话，你就当然是恋。爱。了。啦。

to be continue

INTO THE WILD

I guess sometimes we just have to be a little more adventurous. All you need to do is putting all the risks away and go explore something you are not familiar with.


3 hours train from Glasgow to Oban, the first time. Scenic view from the train, the casual food service and the old cushioned seat. That journey was a joyful one. Seafood can never be missed in Oban. Yes, I mean big mussels, fresh lobster tails and juicy langoustines.


It is a chilling small town that is richly preserved with authentic architecture in a small community. The age population is wee bit older.

Isle of mull was a great place for wild camping. 45 minutes ferry to the island, the sun was warm enough to rip away my frown.

The density in the island is even lesser than Oban. Stand alone houses are scattered along the main road, not to mention the hot bath and sauna of Craignure. An hour walk that lead us to a breath-taking golf coast next to a riverbank, unattended, which become a perfect place to camp.



It feels almost like we are the only living organisms around us.

Looking towards the coast made me more than being excited. It was a motion painting, almost unbelievable. The atmosphere was brilliant. Whilst enjoying the natural touch, the sense of water flowing, the sunset, we cheered our beer with mother nature.


At night, she greeted us with a sky fulled with stars, very magical to see but too cold to be outside the tent. terrifyingly quiet together with the gentle water flowing acoustics. it was a peaceful sleep.





I guess the point is that,

without actually doing it, I wouldn't have know that surviving in the wild can be that amazing. And aye, Scotland's charm will never fail to surprise me.

When was your last trip getting in touch with nature?




credits to eujin ong

LOSING CONTROL

It's the moment when you realized what you have achieved so far was not good enough, and unfortunately you need to walk over it and think optimistically. I mean, that's the difficulty one architecture student would face all the time in their projects. 

There's always too short for all you could achieved, always. Even though you have avoided procrastination at your very best, skipping gyms and entertainments, spending days and nights for your work in the room and library, and you thought you've managed to complete all your materials ideally. Then comes the real challenge of pleasing your invigilators and YOURSELF with your work. 

I think it is clear I didn't do as well as I expected, or maybe I just can't handle critics. There was the moment I was wondering why it was so hard to convince the idea, to deliver something which I was told it could be further explored. I always have this problem when I rearranged my statements to support my design, and then resulted the relationship of them had somehow varnished. The program ended up great, but didn't response with the design successfully. 

Slowly, it became clear that I am lacking of something. Something fundamental yet as crucial as failing the brief: value. I could have designed a successful piece of architecture if I don't think  my design ecologically and economically. If I am not bother about creating beautiful things that serves no purpose, design super high towers that cost hell out of money that serves one purpose, yes I would have those inputs to create a better, care-free design. I should have let myself go freely, sometimes at least, not to finalize the thoughts immediately then things could have ended up in a very different way.

So here you go, a journey of losing control and self-evaluation. Nevertheless, it has been a good learning process when you get to observe some of the peers who achieved what I had mentioned earlier. I wish that I would had making myself proud out of all those handmade models and endless renderings and calculations.

Let the journey goes on.   

WELCOME 2015

Welcome 2015! You came in pretty fast, or it's just time going too speedy?

I am pretty excited for this upcoming new year. I spent my great new year eve celebration in London, getting into the crowd to enjoy the fireworks near London eye. It was a little madness that me and Ardi stood at the bridge for nearly 3hours (just to secure a good position) and it was really windy and cold. But after all it all worth the wait to see that 10 minutes long firework, which was something cool to mark the start of 2015. I met some new friends, visited a lot of places, learned some new stuff, and so on.  

Fortunately, I think I spent a good time in London. The first thing I did when I back in Glasgow was to pick up my laptop from the repair store. I was worried because my laptop couldn't be charged for no reason, and I have my dissertation to submit next week. Thank God it is ok now.

I cherished the new start pretty well, and for some reason which I dunno why, a few new thoughts came into my mind. At least they are something good. Whether it is a faith to know about Guan Yin Citta, I started to a little obsessed about it. Master Lu (卢台长) seem to be really impressive, he has the power to see '图腾' of a person, shockingly telling all details about that particular individual, and from that he gives his solution (praying). As he claimed, he was appointed by Guan Yin  Citta, to help them from their hard times. He has been to many countries to help people, like to Australia, France, Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan. Because of his promotion of world peace, he has been awarded the British Community Honors Award from the House of Lord, United Kingdom.

I am impressed by what he could do, it is up to you whether you choose to believe it. At some point people criticize what Master Lu did was simply against the originality of Buddhism. But as a Buddhist, though I don't pray as much as others do, I think his intention is pretty clear that what he is promoting does not carry any negative impacts to the society. Convincingly, what he have done in his sharing and QnA was always true, straight to the point. He is extra-ordinary, and what he does is simply can't be explained, in other word supernatural. He promoted strongly, many teachings from Buddhism like ones should believe the theory of karma. One should let go their desires and self-centered behavior to live better, as those bad intentions you had will always come back to you.

I believed it is some sort of fate to know about him.

Not long ago, I told Bee that I started to see facebook with a different perspective. Perhaps I see it as a hyper-realistic world that one would believes it is the reality. Getting likes, giving public impression, fame building, show-offing stuff they bought, all were done in front of their gadget's screen. As if, this is what life all about. Selfies in the party do not purely mean to share their moments with friends, but to show off to others or to prove that they are not alone. Arguably they were enjoying as what was shown in those pictures, or just swiping their phones during the party. I don't know. Bee and I were giving our own opinions, I told Bee that it was social network's fault, but Bee argued that it was more about the users. It was true, well, It probably is what facebook had bring out the people's desire to get recognized and attention seeking, in a way, I think. I am in such pity, as a facebook user, criticizing what myself was doing with facebook. Lol

illustration by Pawel Kuczynski

Anyway, i won't say 'please be good to me, 2015', rather, I want to tell myself 'please be good to 2015'. They are so much to do this year, I just can't wait to do every each of them. :)

Way to go!

.

ENDING OF 2014

It is funny because every time when I about to start writing my dissertation, I tend to practice my writing here in my blog. It's just like a warm-up for the brain, LOL. This is the day just after boxing day and Christmas in Glasgow. It was pretty calm, peaceful and cold. Though I have missed the celebration with my family and my loved one in Malaysia.

If you are a frequent visitor, you probably realized there's this live traffic feed, on the right bottom page of the blog, which tells the visitors and the post they have read. Surprisingly some posts of my 'war period' back in 2010 showed up so I read some of them. It is always hurtful to recall the past. But it is not always a bad thing, as it makes me even more stronger in person and appreciate things that I have right now, especially a healthy skin. 

Back during Christmas eve, me and my housemate Zhong Yi, two lonely guys (hahaha) cooked themselves dinner and enjoyed a great old movie 'Forrest Gump'. It's a movie back in 1994, narrating a guy who has a low IQ of 75 became a football star, survived a war in Vietnam, been to the white house a couple of times, playing international ping pong match in China, not to mention owning the Bubba Gump shrimp company. Everything just come simultaneously for him, and he survived. Most of us have trillions of things in our head to achieve, having many desires to be rich and famous. And yea, most of the time we never get any of it just because we are too desperate about it. I believe that this phenomenon of Forrest Gump could be credible in the reality. Most of all, I think his lovely mum is the best thing, probably the core energy that made him succeed in every situation he faced. Here's my favorite quote: 'Death is not the end, it's just another part of life'. 

So I guess this would be my last post of 2014 because I'm heading to London tomorrow till 2 January. 2014 has been a 'grow-up' phrase of my life, the obvious one is of course studying here in the UK, then knowledge and challenge I faced while working in DMP, love-affair-breakup moment, many first times (woops), and so on. Anyway, I had set my resolution 1 week ago, and I can't wait to achieve them all. Wishing everyone a good year ahead!

MY KIND OF DISTANCE LOVE

"whenever there is love, odds will be in our favor." 

I used to have this in mind, a strong belief to hold especially when my partner's love is some sort the best I get so far. Let me call this person as Bee. Bee is my partner, a person that loves me more than myself. We set goals for our future and we work hard to get close to these goals even when we are separated into two different spots on earth. We visualized the future that we will have by the time I'm back to my home country and always get excited when we talk about building our very own 'love nest'.

As I remember the time when we got together, our friends thought that we were crazy. They thought that separating a month after we got attached was irrational and at a bad timing since I will be away for 2 years. The bond of Bee and myself will become an obstacle for me to fully experience my life in this new environment, they said. Some claimed that "this kind of relationship will never work", but all these negative comments didn't stop us from holding our beliefs.

It's been 2 months since our last meeting in the airport. Different timezone became a problem where we experienced an inverse proportional of day and night. We never share the same time to get into bed, nor having meals at the same time. We started to get busy with our own life by ourselves. Bee became very busy with work, co-curricular activities and interviews for new job, and myself were working on my studios and dissertation from time to time. We started to spend lesser time on our conversation and video calls since we don't have much free hours at the same time. 

We shared stuff around us to each other from time to time by sending pictures, encouraging quotes, selfies and a lot more other stuff like an ordinary couple would do. Though some stuff became unnecessary to share with Bee when the right timing has passed, or something that I thought Bee might never bother to know. It gets complicated when we talk less, and  a lot of misunderstandings of what we did and said to each other which lead to war of words. 

Thinking back of all the bitter sweet we been through, I suppose love is the only thing that Bee and I believed in and to hold as long as we can. Bee claimed that I have been thinking negatively nowadays whenever I shared my feelings and my emotions. Even though I don't believe what Bee told me, but I understand why Bee said that to me. It is hard for a student and a working adult to fully aware about each other's situation and things we need to handle over time. Sadly, we are still working hard to achieve greater level of understanding about each other, to build stronger trust and faith in our relationship and turning those odds into our love nest's fertilizer. I willing to do anything that Bee wants from me, to the point that this little insect will always be happy, blessed and peaceful by my side (although it stings painfully sometimes)

The journey of a long distanced relationship continues... Let's hope it is a beginning of something great.

与守护者的 第100天

晚上的宁静总会让自己沉思在思念你的情绪当中。今天刚满100天。日夜奔波的你，我想你应该不会像我这么无聊去计算这个。

最近你比较繁忙，像是拥有百臂般在同时间处理很多事情。难怪你有点变了。

这几个星期里，你说了一些你以前不会说的话。这些话有些带着情绪，说不着的感觉让我不安。可能是自己越来越在乎你说的话吧，还是自己对语言的敏锐度变强了？我承认我有自己的担忧。最近开始怕打扰你，有些原本想和你分享的东西也变得可有可无的感觉。

晚上，早上；早上，晚上。我们适应了这种沟通方式：晚上睡前等着和你说早安，下课后再祝你睡个好觉。想你的时候，就看着那本图册，或是用手机看看我们的合照。有时候也会播放你认真弹琴的短片，沉醉在那些你为我弹奏的旋律。

无论如何，我愿意为了你经历这一切，虽然还有好久才能再度拥抱你。对你的信心是有的，只是心里还是存在着一种莫名的恐惧感。长距离恋爱尝起来还真的不简单。意志力要强，更得建设一分非常非常雄厚的信任。继续努力着......继续用力的爱你。

STUDYING MASTERS IN GLASGOW PRT 1

It's been a month in Glasgow, Scotland. Mum just reminded me in the morning about it when we had conversation on Wechat. Time flies so fast before I actually realized it. 

 The memories of the farewell at KLIA and the feeling of the first step walking out from the plane to the airport were still fresh, I was so proud of myself that I can made this far to travel, study, and enriching my experience in Europe. I was like, here I come! (breathe in). I think I have done quite a lot in the past 31 days. Most of the things are new to me, but thankfully i could adapt the culture here in a short period of time. I remembered the first trip that I made was to Kevingrove, where it was located at the West End, somewhere outside city centre. I was so excited to experience every little things like talking to strangers, find own food, look for place to go, and so on. 

I had three housemates, they are Jack from China, Ardi from Indonesia, and Mek from Thailand. They are duper friendly and we used to cook dinner together in our flat. We were so addicted in cooking especially stores like Aldi sells variety of meats, pre-cooked food and daily goods. I started to try and error different kinds of Chinese food which my mum used to cook for me back in Malaysia. So far, I learned fried rice, steam egg, soups, and some simple Chinese dishes. Probably more to come. Jack Ardi and Mek are students from the business faculty for a course period of one year. We are planning to go to the north such as Highland, Isle of Skye together at least once for the landscape over there.  

For my study, studio and dissertation are my main priority. I wish to do a better design and develop better thinking in spatial layout. So far, the tutors have been very helpful. Hospice is my first project, and second project is about designing a bathhouse. They are challenging, though, I find it interesting to explore. Dissertation is going on a right track now, according to my supervisor. I faced some problems at the beginning on defining a much focused title and research. Hopefully what I had chosen for my dissertation title will be helpful for me in the future. To balance up the study life, I continued my gym routine here with the fees of 96 GBP per year, which was so cheap. (if bluddy compare with CF)

Glasgow has been the furthest I have traveled so far in my life. It's lively, at the same time peaceful, and friendly city. A lot of shopping can be done, tonnes of museums to visit, and most importantly the landscapes. I have a few wish-to-go-places on my list which I hope I have chance to visit them when I am free from assignments. Lowest temperature was dropped to 1C and there is regularly strong wind around the centre. Primak became my favorite shopping place, and i tried getting a haircut at a barber for 8 GBP. Not too ugly lol. (People often said Asians can do better hair-styling, now i think their statements are credible)

Live. Experience. Work.

I could finalized my involvement in Glasgow for the past 1 month with these 3 words. Live: blending in myself in an unfamiliar context. Experience: exploring things like local food, great architecture, public transport, speaking slang and most crucially the weather. Work: spending enough time and effort on studies and side studies at the same time.

I believe things are gonna be better over time. This is just the beginning for my 2 years journey. Hope the weather goes manageable during winter,

Cheers!

与守护者的 第63天

在这两周里，

我开始熟悉这里的地理，文化，食物，公共交通，说话的语调等。最近常做的事情是与陌生人介绍自己的名字和祖国。结识了几位朋友，也适应着屋友的习惯。最有意思的就是自己烧饭吃，炒饭，煎蛋，煮菜，一点一点地学着做。慢慢地，将自己融入了这寒冷又热情的城市。

近几天开始吹冷风，时不时会下点细雨。学校开始上课，了解了这里的系统操作，学会了图书馆的列印和代书服务，也懂得哪里卖的午餐便宜好吃。走在道上开始少用手机，因为手指会被冷得发麻，只能把他们藏在口袋里。自己多买了一些厚衣裤，想要融入这里的时尚。

在这两周里，

我开始让自己心态上做转换，刚来的时候觉得自己像是在旅行，现在既要重整思想做回一个学生。慢慢地意识到自己离家人，离蜜蜂，离自己熟悉的家园是多么的远。好像好莱坞电影一样，那些要去打仗的美军挥别家乡几年去完成使命。庆幸的是，我还可以通过网路和身边的人保持联系，只是相隔了七个小时。

在这两周里，

我开始意识到在这里有的，只是自己。处事待人，都归自己负责。但生活上不算艰难，不孤单，多得守护者无私的关心，让我觉得还有一个人默默地在远方看顾着我，呵护我。每一天起床看到那封‘早安’信息，都觉得很欣慰。

接下来的日子免不了课业上所带来的忙，乱，慌。我只想一直努力，一直抱着那份执着，让我和你熬过这一段孤独的挑战。哪怕现实就在我们面前说着不可能，我也不想轻易放弃。

原因？

因为我也想当你的守护者。