ARGUING IS A PART OF LOVE

We had an undeniably harsh night yesterday. It was a tough night for me to withstand everything from Bee, at some point, in a difficult situation. Our conversation always started with something good, but then when it goes on, things got pretty bad and most of the time I didn't see them coming. 

My initial intention was to have a good chat with Bee over the phone, and I told Bee that I wish I could understand Bee better. I feel our hearts get little closer everytime when we speak to each other, it always feels great. Then, out of sudden, we bombarded each other with things in our mind which had been bothering us. 

Well, it is perhaps a process of a relationship, especially when two are having tough situations in terms of distance and time. Arguing is hurtful, but necessary. Because most of the time we understand each other better after a fight. We could see how he/she thinks, act, behave and most importantly, his/her use of words. I embraced things that Bee told me during the fight, because it shows how much Bee cares and how much Bee is willing to give on us. Whether they are right or wrong, they don't matter as much because no one understand the situation better then myself.

Back to the main points that we have discussed, Bee emphasized on me still being too pessimistic and always acted emotionally. Sometimes it was difficult to explain the whole picture to Bee over text, so I decided to keep quiet and just saying 'sorry', I am tired of explaining, and sometimes it doesn't work as much. To a point I agreed on what Bee had said to me, spreading bad things to your couple is bad, life has been tough, and they shouldn't come from their partner too. But then, does it mean we should only spread happiness and good things to our partner and leave the bad ones to ourself? As what I see couples should embrace the good and bad together. The emotions, the spiritual therapy, because to me, these are the most precious thing we could get from love, the care and being comforted.

In general, we know that we are always different in perception, thinking, and how we see things. Those are the differences of a baby boomer and a gen Y, a sales manager and a student. I have no clue of what I have been doing is right or wrong. Hoping for the best.

UPDATES ON JUNE '12

HI GUYS,

seriously i have left the blog untouched for a month. The last post was just a, some people call it SIP ZHOU LA in cantonese.

Well, the 1st thing i want to share is that, Im mentally healing now. I feel the revival of spirit, the feeling of getting pumped up is back. This is the good thing, well at least something is getting better it seem. I have to take, unfortunately, steroids to make this possible. Such a pathetic move to make something better, with something bad. I think u got what i mean do you?

Life was really really bad for the past few weeks. The feeling was terrible, the body was week, neither the mind was working like it should. Piles of work were done, submissions, sleepless nights, just like any other days from the previous semesters. I have stopped controlling my food range: so to speak im eating what i want to eat again. Haha! Probably i will change back to diet life when im having sem break, but for now, i think i need my favourite food to make me energized.

Back to the miserable feelings, i did mentioned i wanted to commit suicide just because i cant cope the illness anymore. N some part of my body has been destroyed physically just because of the illness. This have change the way i see myself. I think. I am not sure how others will put their eyes on me, but i hope things will be going better and better when the time goes on. However, steroid's side effects are my biggest concern at the moment.

I wanted to thank my mummy n daddy for putting their efforts on finding me a Cure. They had been trying endlessly, and i can see their tiredness too. I know how they feel on me. sincerely. I may be a burden to them, i will try making everything at its best. Thanks to friends that share my stress with me. U guys are always awesome.

Dear God, Thanks for making me feel better this week. I know u did hear my suffer and my pain. I pray once again, hoping for ur kindness to take away my skin illness. Amitabha.

QUESTION TO NO ONE

There are plenty of questions for me to ask around, but sadly they is no one could possibly answer them.

These days i have back to the DARK AGES where i hardly found myself comfortable no matter how exciting things around, even i am so so used to quarantine myself from the public. It's been the 2nd week of semester 5, everything just kick-started but seems to be lot troubles will come very soon.

QUESTION 1: How to get rid of my bad condition of health

this question could possibly no one has the answer, i guess. Not even the doctor. i tried everything u told me to do, i put on medicine every single night, and always looking for a better tomorrow. things doesnt seem to be working out effectively. 6 years. 6years of suffocation

QUESTION 2: Why me

my vision now is to be, as normal as any of my classmates, my friends, my family, or my enemies. They r blessed with healthy body, which allows them to do whatever they want, drink with a bunch of bros at the bar, smokes like a poser. Why cant i enjoy sports, go gym like those people do. N what i am doing all day? Fighting with the pain, stressing for not to get scratches when i woke up, and bleed less on the foot. An when ppl said they are dying bcoz they got fat, because the boyfriend/girlfriend are annoying them. Please.

QUESTION 3: Whats the meaning of all this?
I would rather a reason there for me to suffer all these killing pains, well at least i need to know the cause for all this. I m freaking out to see parents spending all their money on my medicine, which doesnt really help me alot. I just hope there is a stop. Unless, God, u have a reason for me to get so difficult in life.

‘苹果日’

今天是情人节呢！！

是啦，没在恋爱的咱是没在庆祝

但很多人在脸书炫耀自己的爱啊

礼物啊，花啊，浪漫的很

咱老兄伦也搞了创意的惊喜给她

真是意外啊！！哈哈

但愿恋爱中的的你们情人节快乐

说回自己

原本已经要到十天就结束的挑战

却在周末的时候破戒吃了肉

现在只好重新开始‘医病计划’

今天是我迈入挑战的第二天

在过着‘一天只吃苹果’的日子

两天里面上十粒了

生活是乏味了一点

美食统统只能放在一边

但如果这样的牺牲能够将病魔取出

咱是绝对奉陪到底的

明天开始可以吃吃饭菜了

应该可以医治一下食欲

毕竟明天约了中医的医生

看看他怎么讲也好

听说他能医治百病

连不孕的女人也能做人成功

说真的自己会怀着希望去的

想象自己去除病魔后的日子

是多么多么的快乐！！！

致歉篇

各位，失敬了。
上一片的泄气文章是真的太乱来了。向读者们说声对不起！~
随便就说要死，真的太无知了。其原谅我的不是
我不会删除，只是要让它来警惕自己
毕竟那也是我人生的一部分低潮
最近的我好多了。身体也开始慢慢恢复正常的状况，慢慢接触回外面的世界了。闭关了那么久，难免需要点时间来补回什么的。
始终要感谢你们这些疼爱我的卡门，谢谢你们送上的祝福。谢谢你们的鼓励。我想活着还不耐，至少还有爱我的你们。
其实让我最担心的，莫过于下一次的来侵会是什么时候，什么严重度。毕竟下个星期会有四个等着交的作业，两个星期后的考试，和最后的终极考验。想了想还是顾虑着自己身体能否闯下去。也不懂要怎么预防。好烦

好吧，要继续写那超级烦得essay了。
再说声对不起，保证没有下次了。
我不要死，我还要和世界拥抱久一点

该怎么乐观

试着去面对，试着咬紧牙根克服这一切的痛，可是为什么还是不会结束的痛，可怕的病魔！为什么你总是不放过我，给我一些呼吸的空间？

已经第四周了。
虽然是有好转一点，可是每天要承受的压力，痛苦，咱还是撑的好想死。对这反复的病撑得太累了。走了，没多久又来了。而且毫无原因的来。

老天爷啊，你要考验我，也总给我一个源吧

没错，这次我脑子浮现了自杀的念头。我也搞不懂为什么。几天里，望着窗外的天空，试图寻找脱离病魔的方法。是否惟有轻生才可以停止全部的痛，才可以去除这个可恶的病？别人总说死不能解决问题。那留在世上，也不能解决我的问题啊。谁叫患上不能治疗的病，连导火线也未知的病，真的要我背这包袱一生吗？留在世上，何德何能去闯人生？？

我有认真的想过了。如果我永远这样，会是个笨拙绊脚石。 浪费钱买药，看病。生活无法正常的社交，无法做自己要做的事情。给父母贴麻烦，让他们担心，给朋友为难，对这世界来说更毫无用处，浪费资源。

我真的崩溃了。
我已经不懂得怎样乐观面对它，怎样笑笑没烦恼。

很想放弃自己了。以前我曾说：相信这一切是有意义的。那，什么意义？
有谁能够了解，有谁能够明白，有谁更能帮我拔掉这可怕的病根？

我真的，真的，好想轻生。

A WEEK TO BE LEFT BEHIND

Trying hard to survive in these 7 days break. Oh yea, supposingly a so-called break to allow extra happiness happened with friends and family. Guess what? The silencer 'viral' just came back uninvited.
Yes, i wonder, why is this happened every time when there is a holiday period for me to hang out? even that my plans to go travel and hang around were simply ruined. I wonder that's a signal from God to keep me away from all these. Isit God? Isit?
Well then, it's been so tough like the old days. I've been quarantined myself in my room for a week without going anywhere, meeting anyone. Except for a day that i went for laundry in ss15. Weather seems to be a gift from the sky to cool down the temperature of the town. I felt slightly better in these rainy days. My meal list has been totally unhealthy. Cup noodles-mcdonalds-bread-biscuits. I've no choice since i couldnt go anywhere with this weak body. It's too painful to walk around for food. Legs are like sprained, body is so hard to bend, and even hands shaking for no reason. Life has been difficult to have such terrible body condition.

Well, You might think that i loved to complain my condition again, but at least i felt better psychologically to have words putting into this blog. They are being shared instead of keeping inside my heart. This is part of my life. I just can't help to make my life any better. Looking at the terrible disgusting legs and arms make me feel like a zombie. I hate skin problem!!!!!

That's it for my break. Brain is just tired to get recovered. I wish i could spend all the time for something else.

DEEPAVALI IN THE ROOM

Happy Deepavali to all the indian friends out there.

Celebration for myself? Oh well, nothing is more important than sleeping. LOL, i have been sleeping all the way in the afternoon until 7pm. Yea, it was a lazy day, yet to recover asap from my skin health again. Looking at the sick body makes me feel bad. Hope can get rid of all the rashes before coming week. Really