LDR爱情生态 pt 3

感觉对的话，就勇敢去爱，努力去爱，没什么好怕的。

故事说到与对方相见以后发生的事情。由于对当地不太熟悉，所以吃的，用的，玩的，逛的，自己都被当成游客来对待。感觉挺好的，像是王子般享用的权利。这名‘导游’还算当得不错哟，让我很有安全感（大加分！）。我们去了博物馆一起聊艺术，逛了购物街探索对方的品味，品尝了当地的快餐店，西餐厅，中式料理等。当然也少不了到超市买材料一起下厨，细细了解着对方的口味和爱吃的食物。

三天过去了。虽然对彼此的了解是更近了不少，该做的事情也都做了 （你明白的），但是该下决定的那一刻仍然不了了之。也许是因为，大家都还未种下那颗百分之百认定对方的心吧。还记得那一晚，他留了我下来，说我别回酒店了，留下来陪他。我们聊了很多，说着说着，他的眼泪从眼角流了下来，有点不受控制地哭了起来。虽然很意外，但这宝贵的一刻，其实是彼此的心链接得最靠近的时候。那一晚特别有意义，让我看见对方心中的那个他，那个最真实的他。

回英国的那个早上，我们走在马路上，接着搭火车，默默地回顾这三天里一起度过的每一刻。他似乎想要给我一个答案，但仍然没说出口。我们也只是随便聊了几句，犹豫不决地握着对方的手直到机场。看着他，像是最后一次看到这副脸一样，想牢牢地把它烙印在记忆当中。离别时我们还是坚强的没哭，或许彼此都有种认知：这个人，我一定会再见的。

to be continue

LDR爱情生态 pt 2

长距离的恋爱-人爱得深，分隔两地，心仍相连。

我觉得在一个月里，如果你和对方很聊的来的话，那也该要见见对方了。一个月的时间说来不觉得很长，但要来的终是要来的。哪怕赌上一博，跨山越海都好，就当是给自己一个冒险的奇幻之旅。坐在飞机里的那段旅程，你心里可能会一直处于犹豫和紧张的状态。衣服有穿好吗？发型应该ok吧？见面要说什么啊？ 手心冒着汗，自己努力练习着自以为最自然的笑容。

一下飞机的那一刻，心念‘阿弥陀佛...阿弥陀佛...’好像蛮有用的，可以平复你紧张的情绪。好吧，就是这一刻了。是地狱还是天堂，来看看上天的安排呗。‘这样笑应该还可以吧？’ ‘他会不会拿着牌子写了我的名字啊？’  ‘为什么我会在这里？’ ..... 等等等等的问题一直在脑海浮现，直到在抵达厅见到他的时候才会慢慢恢复意识。天啊，终于见面了！这句话接得有点浮夸，接着和对方握手加拥抱，显得有点客气，有点陌生。天上的云朵逐渐飘到两旁，微微的一道光降在你俩的头上。

啊，确定了，你这一个是天堂喔。

如果真的如上面所说的感觉，那就先来个咖啡纯聊天，凡事都得要慢慢来，越慢越好，不要太驱逐。约个安静的咖啡厅比较好，毕竟气氛是有一定的影响力。聊聊飞行的心情，或聊聊看到对方的感觉，还可以来点小甜蜜。如果聊天中有带黄色趣味的内容可要小心哦。安全第一的原则不可或缺，用自己的小聪明转个话题就行了。从中，你可以开始观察他的谈吐用词，衣着打扮，最重要的是留意他有没有四臭（狐臭，口臭，体臭，脚臭）。开玩笑的啦，最重要还是感觉对不对，就此而已。

to be continue

LDR爱情生态 pt 1

爱情最为自然的生态和潜规则大概就是感觉吧。 我是凭着前几段的爱情来说个小故事。

在人海茫茫中偶尔会遇见一个在你眼里和其他贱货不一样的人。一开始会被对方吸引，然后主动和对方示好。时不时传信息给对方，基本的了解了一下对方找的是什么。过了一段时间就开始交换聊天软件的账号，看看对方的照片，然后。。。。。。哈哈，当然没那么快就那个，你会开始拨打给对方聊天，听听对方的声音，能聊得来的话可以到无所不谈的地步也不一定。六个小时，三个小时不定，有时还会在对方的声音中睡去。要看是不是真的能聊，就看聊的过程中时间过的快还是慢。这是被判处天堂或地狱的第一层，你要不是对这个人更有兴趣，就是觉得乏味而不想再浪费时间。接下来，你会想开开视频看看对方的‘真面目’- - 口中所谓的素颜之美，或是想看看他是不是和照片里的人长得一样。

慢慢地，通话聊天变成一种习惯，会开始想着对方在干嘛，有没有吃饱，睡眠质素好不好，工作顺不顺利等等的不科学问题。（毕竟这些和你一点关系也没有啊！）听到对方声音的时候就会感觉安心和小雀跃。啊，原来你也在想我噢。自己当然也会情不自禁的和对方分享有的没的。然后继续的纯聊天，至于聊什么就看当时你脑子里在想什么了，呵呵。

然而，得来的还是会来，就是初次见面的时候。这是第二层的考验也是定生死的主要关卡，毕竟见面相处和用电话纯聊天一点也没有关系。彼此会为这件事感到紧张，耽忧，甚至害怕。害怕见面以后所有的想法和感觉完全改变。要是你看对方不顺眼，他做什么好的浪漫的在你眼里都是错的。（被定型了）但是，如果他让你心跳加速，脸红耳赤，说话支支吾吾的话，你就当然是恋。爱。了。啦。

to be continue

INTO THE WILD

I guess sometimes we just have to be a little more adventurous. All you need to do is putting all the risks away and go explore something you are not familiar with.


3 hours train from Glasgow to Oban, the first time. Scenic view from the train, the casual food service and the old cushioned seat. That journey was a joyful one. Seafood can never be missed in Oban. Yes, I mean big mussels, fresh lobster tails and juicy langoustines.


It is a chilling small town that is richly preserved with authentic architecture in a small community. The age population is wee bit older.

Isle of mull was a great place for wild camping. 45 minutes ferry to the island, the sun was warm enough to rip away my frown.

The density in the island is even lesser than Oban. Stand alone houses are scattered along the main road, not to mention the hot bath and sauna of Craignure. An hour walk that lead us to a breath-taking golf coast next to a riverbank, unattended, which become a perfect place to camp.



It feels almost like we are the only living organisms around us.

Looking towards the coast made me more than being excited. It was a motion painting, almost unbelievable. The atmosphere was brilliant. Whilst enjoying the natural touch, the sense of water flowing, the sunset, we cheered our beer with mother nature.


At night, she greeted us with a sky fulled with stars, very magical to see but too cold to be outside the tent. terrifyingly quiet together with the gentle water flowing acoustics. it was a peaceful sleep.





I guess the point is that,

without actually doing it, I wouldn't have know that surviving in the wild can be that amazing. And aye, Scotland's charm will never fail to surprise me.

When was your last trip getting in touch with nature?




credits to eujin ong

MEMOIRS OF LION

this picture was taken a month ago, you were doing all well. But today, you are no longer with us. Why are you in such a hurry, Lion? I never expect that I will never see you again. You were suffering from fleas about two weeks ago. I thought that the injection might got you recovered, but unfortunately, subsequently the vet told us that you have liver failure and heart problem. When he decided to send you away in peace, I just.... wish to see you before you leave. I wish I wasn't being in KL during that critical moment. Your godmother misses you very much, do you know that?

remember when you first came into the family in 2007? you were just like a lion cub. that's where I got your name from.

you were full of curiosity about things around you. you wondered who were these humans around posing?

you love sticking your legs up on the cage seeing what we were doing around you...

your moment of cuteness

that's your favorite spot of the house that you can't help laying all day..

I'm sorry to letting you down sometimes when I told you that I was too busy to spend time with you. I never had the chance to do that again. 

"In the end, life is an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye..."

May you find peace in your next life, and we will always miss you Lion. Please, remember us, remember me.

COMPLICATION

shitty feeling of letting the past running in my mind

LOSING CONTROL

It's the moment when you realized what you have achieved so far was not good enough, and unfortunately you need to walk over it and think optimistically. I mean, that's the difficulty one architecture student would face all the time in their projects. 

There's always too short for all you could achieved, always. Even though you have avoided procrastination at your very best, skipping gyms and entertainments, spending days and nights for your work in the room and library, and you thought you've managed to complete all your materials ideally. Then comes the real challenge of pleasing your invigilators and YOURSELF with your work. 

I think it is clear I didn't do as well as I expected, or maybe I just can't handle critics. There was the moment I was wondering why it was so hard to convince the idea, to deliver something which I was told it could be further explored. I always have this problem when I rearranged my statements to support my design, and then resulted the relationship of them had somehow varnished. The program ended up great, but didn't response with the design successfully. 

Slowly, it became clear that I am lacking of something. Something fundamental yet as crucial as failing the brief: value. I could have designed a successful piece of architecture if I don't think  my design ecologically and economically. If I am not bother about creating beautiful things that serves no purpose, design super high towers that cost hell out of money that serves one purpose, yes I would have those inputs to create a better, care-free design. I should have let myself go freely, sometimes at least, not to finalize the thoughts immediately then things could have ended up in a very different way.

So here you go, a journey of losing control and self-evaluation. Nevertheless, it has been a good learning process when you get to observe some of the peers who achieved what I had mentioned earlier. I wish that I would had making myself proud out of all those handmade models and endless renderings and calculations.

Let the journey goes on.   

过不去了

这应该是我目前为止最不想出现的一篇文章。空空的蜂蜜玻璃瓶，螺旋形的灰色云端，是一种心里的反射。熬了一身伤，拖着那身躯，背对着瓶子默默离开了。一直被期待灌满蜂蜜的瓶子，却一直也没再发生过。

第三个守护者，不知道从何时已展开翅膀，往另一个方向翱翔去了。为何会这样？应该也没人真正知道原因。随着时间久了，能变的都已经变了；那些曾经守候的承偌也变得如此的渺小，如此的不堪一击。最为可惜的是，你已经没有要挽回的心。

不知何时开始，我们开始兜着圈子，聊天变得如此的客气。最后一次视频也都忘记是什么时候。我开始制止自己不要对你太执着，不要让你觉得有压力，也许这就是问题始源吧。想你的时候，也只能逛逛你的脸书，看看以前的对话记录。那些你对我说的甜言蜜语停留在文字里的框框，它们变成了一种我能拥有的奢侈回忆，你的声音，你的撒娇，好美好甜。

“我们分开吧”

“如果你爱他，就让他飞翔；如果他回来，你们就是注定在一起的” 

我这么和蜜蜂说了。我宁愿当个坏人对你说这一席话，因为我不忍心的要你一直被我的事情缠绕着，影响了你的工作，生活，还有睡觉的时间。我觉得自己很自私，自私的想从你身上博取多一点的时间，多一点的爱，多一点的心思去经营我们的感情。但我没想过你真正的想法是什么。

我们曾经有个梦等待着我们，也许我们来不及去实现它，但愿我的出现能为你留下一些好的痕迹。

哭了，疼了，也都该爬起来继续努力为自己而活。如果你在看这篇文章，我想对你说：“现在的我学着你最爱的开朗，几天后的我把回忆打包起来了，重新生活。我希望你能继续为那些你和我说过的目标奋斗，还有那些在你生日说过的祝福都能心想事成。踏实的往前冲刺。对不起，我可能拖垮了你的脚步，之前说过伤害你的话，我感到非常抱歉。希望你能原谅我。最后的最后，谢谢你。感恩那些你曾经对我的每一分关心和付出， 谢谢你在我一个人独处英国时的陪伴。或许我们在未来还能当彼此的守护者，无论如何，我想让你知道，你是我目前最开心能遇见到的一个守护爱的人。”

后会有期。你要好好过。

ARGUING IS A PART OF LOVE

We had an undeniably harsh night yesterday. It was a tough night for me to withstand everything from Bee, at some point, in a difficult situation. Our conversation always started with something good, but then when it goes on, things got pretty bad and most of the time I didn't see them coming. 

My initial intention was to have a good chat with Bee over the phone, and I told Bee that I wish I could understand Bee better. I feel our hearts get little closer everytime when we speak to each other, it always feels great. Then, out of sudden, we bombarded each other with things in our mind which had been bothering us. 

Well, it is perhaps a process of a relationship, especially when two are having tough situations in terms of distance and time. Arguing is hurtful, but necessary. Because most of the time we understand each other better after a fight. We could see how he/she thinks, act, behave and most importantly, his/her use of words. I embraced things that Bee told me during the fight, because it shows how much Bee cares and how much Bee is willing to give on us. Whether they are right or wrong, they don't matter as much because no one understand the situation better then myself.

Back to the main points that we have discussed, Bee emphasized on me still being too pessimistic and always acted emotionally. Sometimes it was difficult to explain the whole picture to Bee over text, so I decided to keep quiet and just saying 'sorry', I am tired of explaining, and sometimes it doesn't work as much. To a point I agreed on what Bee had said to me, spreading bad things to your couple is bad, life has been tough, and they shouldn't come from their partner too. But then, does it mean we should only spread happiness and good things to our partner and leave the bad ones to ourself? As what I see couples should embrace the good and bad together. The emotions, the spiritual therapy, because to me, these are the most precious thing we could get from love, the care and being comforted.

In general, we know that we are always different in perception, thinking, and how we see things. Those are the differences of a baby boomer and a gen Y, a sales manager and a student. I have no clue of what I have been doing is right or wrong. Hoping for the best.

WELCOME 2015

Welcome 2015! You came in pretty fast, or it's just time going too speedy?

I am pretty excited for this upcoming new year. I spent my great new year eve celebration in London, getting into the crowd to enjoy the fireworks near London eye. It was a little madness that me and Ardi stood at the bridge for nearly 3hours (just to secure a good position) and it was really windy and cold. But after all it all worth the wait to see that 10 minutes long firework, which was something cool to mark the start of 2015. I met some new friends, visited a lot of places, learned some new stuff, and so on.  

Fortunately, I think I spent a good time in London. The first thing I did when I back in Glasgow was to pick up my laptop from the repair store. I was worried because my laptop couldn't be charged for no reason, and I have my dissertation to submit next week. Thank God it is ok now.

I cherished the new start pretty well, and for some reason which I dunno why, a few new thoughts came into my mind. At least they are something good. Whether it is a faith to know about Guan Yin Citta, I started to a little obsessed about it. Master Lu (卢台长) seem to be really impressive, he has the power to see '图腾' of a person, shockingly telling all details about that particular individual, and from that he gives his solution (praying). As he claimed, he was appointed by Guan Yin  Citta, to help them from their hard times. He has been to many countries to help people, like to Australia, France, Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan. Because of his promotion of world peace, he has been awarded the British Community Honors Award from the House of Lord, United Kingdom.

I am impressed by what he could do, it is up to you whether you choose to believe it. At some point people criticize what Master Lu did was simply against the originality of Buddhism. But as a Buddhist, though I don't pray as much as others do, I think his intention is pretty clear that what he is promoting does not carry any negative impacts to the society. Convincingly, what he have done in his sharing and QnA was always true, straight to the point. He is extra-ordinary, and what he does is simply can't be explained, in other word supernatural. He promoted strongly, many teachings from Buddhism like ones should believe the theory of karma. One should let go their desires and self-centered behavior to live better, as those bad intentions you had will always come back to you.

I believed it is some sort of fate to know about him.

Not long ago, I told Bee that I started to see facebook with a different perspective. Perhaps I see it as a hyper-realistic world that one would believes it is the reality. Getting likes, giving public impression, fame building, show-offing stuff they bought, all were done in front of their gadget's screen. As if, this is what life all about. Selfies in the party do not purely mean to share their moments with friends, but to show off to others or to prove that they are not alone. Arguably they were enjoying as what was shown in those pictures, or just swiping their phones during the party. I don't know. Bee and I were giving our own opinions, I told Bee that it was social network's fault, but Bee argued that it was more about the users. It was true, well, It probably is what facebook had bring out the people's desire to get recognized and attention seeking, in a way, I think. I am in such pity, as a facebook user, criticizing what myself was doing with facebook. Lol

illustration by Pawel Kuczynski

Anyway, i won't say 'please be good to me, 2015', rather, I want to tell myself 'please be good to 2015'. They are so much to do this year, I just can't wait to do every each of them. :)

Way to go!

.