July 15, 2011

LOADED

I feel a little different these days.

Dear blog,

I sort of keeping alot of stuff to myself these days for some reason. Every night before i go to bed, i try to digest everything.

1st- i dont feel that i'm the best anymore like i did before for architecture. Well to be honest, i was an ego person, i was an idiot that think i can be someone big and try to believe i m the only one can strike. Recalling back my the semesters that i have gone thru, n to recall on how i treated my classmates and my group mates. Yea, i always talk like a superb person like nobody else, and trying hard to tell ppl im good. I tempt to convince and proof hardly to people that im the one who always correct. N indirectly, i like to backstep ppl just because i dont like that person and their working style. I AM A TERRIBLE STUDENT

2nd-Being togehter with budds that you r closed with is getting harder for me. People that i trusted, i love to be with and used to talk alot are.. different now. They seem do ot appreciate about me and made me feel bad everytime when i started to speak. They like to prove me wrong on what i did n what i said, and worse, they r treating me like a 10 years old kid that doesnt know how to do alot of stuff. I just wondering what made u budds changed that much. I think, it might be my fault that i do not seem as confident as u expect. and i feel pressured for once in a while to be with u budds. I AM A TERRIBLE FRIEND

3rd- Thinking about being the best guy to a girl is ' oooyea, u should follow your heart and treat the girl the best u can'. My situation goes abit up side down in a way that, my relationship with her is not that kind of heart to heart thing anymore. I doubt myself of being with you that close. I doubt that i can't give you security and many more that you want from me. I just dunno what should i do that could mutually beneficial for both of us. I AM A TERRIBLE GUY

4th- The future. Some of friends encouraged me to pursure and try getting an offer from overseas university and redo my architecture stuff. I was really interested and wanted to give it a try. But flashing back to work i have done. Am i qualify for these overseas education? Why dont i just finish up my degree here and then get a job here. I dont know. I know my parents wouldnt have the plan for my support on study abroad, and frankly I dont think i am capable for all this. I AM A TERRIBLE SON

Complicated mind huh. These stuff have kept in my head for few weeks.

Well, blog. Despite all these pressures and sad cases I do feel better when I started a strategy recently. I decided to speak less. I have tried in several situation. Being silent doesnt really bad after all, I started to see how people actually reacts, how people used to talk and the way they like to present themselve. I tried do not do and speak whatever I want and be calm while the anger come to me. I did successfully overcome some of the stuff. I learned the best way on solving some problems like arguements. Thats the power of being a thinker, and 'silencer'. I do discovered how some of my friend's behaviour nowadays, where last time i used to fight back, this and that leading the planted anger. I AM NOW A BETTER PERSON IN THINKING.
To share with you, i actually get this inner power while thinking about my God, the buddha's pilosophy that could actually control me for making any mistake. I will continue this and be a better thinker in a mature way. I believe I can do it.

Good night. Life is really tough and challenging

2 comments:

Ultrawen said...

sometimes I feel like that too..
dun pressure urself so much ya.. =)

TuCK said...

Lets work hard together shall we

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